Using Mindfulness to Transform Judgment into Curiosity

Have you ever caught yourself silently judging someone in line at the grocery store, or spiralling into self-criticism after saying something awkward? Most of us do this without even realizing it. Judgment—whether it’s directed inward or outward—can become such an automatic habit that it starts to feel like the truth.

But what if judgment is just the mind trying to feel safe?

Mindfulness offers a powerful invitation to slow down and notice these unconscious patterns. And when we do, we create the space to soften them—replacing critique with compassion, and distance with connection.

What Is Judgment, Really?

Judgment is the mental act of categorizing something or someone as right or wrong, good or bad, worthy or unworthy. It can feel like discernment, but often it’s a reaction rooted in fear, ego, or old programming.

In early human history, the ability to quickly judge situations kept us alive. But in modern life, this same mechanism can keep us stuck in shame, perfectionism, and disconnection from others.

We judge because we’ve been judged. Somewhere along the way, we learned that love and belonging were conditional. That mistakes were dangerous. That there was a “right” way to be—and anything else made us unworthy.

Mindfulness doesn’t try to eliminate judgment. It helps us become aware of it.

The Inner Critic: When Judgment Turns Inward

One of the most harmful places judgment shows up is in our relationship with ourselves.

We criticize our bodies. We beat ourselves up for not doing more, being better, feeling differently. We label our emotions as “too much,” our needs as “inconvenient,” our mistakes as “proof” of not being enough.

This inner critic often has deep roots. It might sound like a parent, a teacher, or even the culture we grew up in. And it thrives in silence. When we don’t notice it, it drives our choices, our confidence, and our capacity to receive love. What started as the voice of someone else now lives as our own internal dialogue.

The good news? Once we start noticing it, we can choose a different voice.

Judging Others: What It Reveals About Us

Judgment doesn’t just turn inward—it also gets projected outward.

Maybe you find yourself annoyed by someone who’s always late. Or critical of someone who talks too much. Or jealous of someone who seems effortlessly confident.

Often, the things we judge in others reflect the parts of ourselves we’ve disowned, denied, or learned to suppress. This is called projection—and it’s not a flaw, but a clue.

If I’m irritated by someone’s confidence, is it because I’ve been taught to dim my own light? If I judge someone’s vulnerability, is it because I’m afraid of being seen in mine?

These aren’t easy questions to ask—but they are powerful ones. They shift us out of reaction and into self-inquiry.

A sneaky way I see judgment creep in is between women. We have been conditioned to judge each other, looking for flaws to prove to ourselves that we are "better" in some way.

How Mindfulness Helps Us See Clearly

Mindfulness is the practice of bringing nonjudgmental awareness to the present moment. It gives us the ability to observe what’s happening without immediately reacting or labelling it.

When we practice mindfulness, we start to notice our judgments in real time:

• “Wow, I just called myself stupid for forgetting that.”

• “I’m feeling resistance toward this person—I wonder what’s underneath that?”

• “That was a really harsh thought I had. Where did it come from?”

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Even just naming the judgment—*“That was judgment”—*can begin to shift our relationship to it. We don’t have to believe every thought we think. We can pause, breathe, and choose again.

From Critique to Curiosity

One of the most powerful shifts we can make is moving from judgment to curiosity.

Instead of:

• “What’s wrong with me?”Try: “What do I need right now?”

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Instead of:

• “Why is she like that?”Try: “I wonder what shaped her to be that way.”

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Curiosity doesn’t mean we excuse harmful behaviour or override our boundaries. It simply means we’re willing to look deeper—at ourselves, at others, and at the stories we carry.

Mindfulness Practices to Work With Judgment

Here are a few simple practices you can begin today:

🖊️ 1. Judgment Journaling

Each time you catch a judgment (of yourself or others), write it down. Then explore:

• What am I feeling underneath this?

• What might this judgment be protecting?

• Is there a younger part of me who learned this way of thinking?

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🌬️ 2. The Three-Breath Pause

When you notice a judgment arise:

1. Take a deep breath in.

2. Let it go slowly.

3. Ask yourself: What’s really happening here? This micro-practice creates space between reaction and response.

   
   

💗 3. Loving-Kindness Meditation

Direct compassion toward yourself, a difficult person, or someone you’ve judged. Use phrases like:

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you live with ease.

This practice doesn’t condone behaviour—it restores connection with our shared humanity. Click here to see a longer version of a loving kindness meditation.

Closing Thoughts: Letting Go of the Need to Be Right

Judgment is a habit—but it’s not our truth. Beneath it lives something softer: a longing to be seen, to be understood, to belong.

Mindfulness helps us return to that place. It invites us to notice the harsh voice, then gently turn toward it and say: “I see you. I’m choosing another way.”

So the next time judgment arises, try asking: “What would happen if I brought curiosity here instead?”

You might be surprised at what softens.